Today I say goodbye

Lately it feels as if the world is swirling around me... I have no connection at all. I'm at a distance, watching the normalcy all around me, realizing that this is something I have never known, nor will I ever know. I frantically reach out, desperately wishing I could touch someone, anyone... But the drones elude me, sending me into a spiral of erratic motions. Lying in a corner, jerking uncontrollably, I sob in disbelief at the horror that has become my life. Everything pans out, as I slip further into darkness. It's at this point, I realize what I must do. It's too late for anything else, the damage is done. Goodbye world, goodbye darkness, goodbye hate, goodbye sweet....

He's perfectly perfect for his perfect world

So, I'm sitting here thinking, "I need to write." However, what do I write? I think I can let my fingers do that talking... Do you think that will work? I ask YOU as if YOU is another person in the room, as if you is another person in this 13" laptop screen, as if you can really respond to me. Then I wonder, am I really so desolate that I am grasping at the concept of an imaginary friend through the tiny pixels staring up at me? There is no one sitting around me. I look around and I see an half eaten tub of weight watchers ice cream sitting on the already cluttered coffee table. I want to take it all and throw it away. I often think, I hate all of this, just burn it. Burn it with me in here, burn it with all my memories, burn it with all my pain. So much has happened and with little resolution to their end. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I have forever given up on the concept of happily every after. I think this notion is something out of fairy tales, something that I will never know. Damn Cinderella! Damn Snow White! Damn Sleeping Beauty! Those lying bitches have set me up believing that I will come across a prince charming. That one special man who will not only sweep me off my feet, but will also be charismatic, chivalrous, adoring.... perfect. But alas, I'm greeted daily with lazy, self centered, boring.... hum drum. This is what I've become. Complacent, dissatisfied, dreaming, desiring, failing.

I'm left here, lonely and distraught.
I watch your smiling faces, special moments,
Filled with wonder and amusement.
I long to see that sparkle in your eye,
feel your gentle touch on my cool skin
taste your sweet lips lightly on mine.
With hesitance, you glance my way,
catch my eyes, if only briefly.
Then fleetingly, you are captured
far from my reach, far from my world
back to your first love, your true love.
Then I'm left here, lonely and distraught.